or changing the guard over the ancient in the labyrinth
Beni is one of those who bring and cleanse a cluster of traumas on both the female and male lines. Accordingly, she has called in her relationships and slipped into victim roles as a learning experience. He has always worshipped and wanted to heal the women in his relationships, and he didn’t understand why he needed to love himself to make it work.
It is one of the wonderful gifts of his own mid-life hellish journey that he realised all this at all, and that although life has to be lived forwards, at least backwards it can be understood, and he is given that.
Then came the labyrinth in his life, which has since become a gateway for Beni, and an instant connection with the one above. And then came Abigail, whom Beni had only read about on Facebook until then, but her profile picture suggested to Beni that she embodied the quality of the cavewoman in him.
Beni has learned by now not to be driven by his shortcomings. He honestly felt that he could perceive Abigail clearly, without desires or expectations. Moreover, they had not yet met in person, and Beni already knew that they had to know each other to their depths to connect clearly, not just a mysterious attraction.
Then came the three days…
Beni imagined how Abigail would hug him when she saw him. And, when they saw each other, that’s exactly what happened. Beni was enveloped in her embrace. He didn’t feel in trouble yet, his connection was clear. They were just happy to be together.
But sitting in the lectures, Beni caught a half-smile on Abigail’s face that seemed to mirror her own. And this half-smile is quite unique.
It was as if they consciously avoided each other’s gaze during the lectures, but when they did meet, the reward was a gentle smile from Abigail, instead of haughtiness or embarrassed flight.
Then, in the first labyrinth, Beni was drawn behind Abigail, even though she was walking the path with her eyes almost closed. Their steps complemented each other. Abigail with the right, Beni with the left and vice versa. The two became one. Then their feet changed rhythm, and they stepped forward together towards the centre.
As they walked in circles, Beni felt the urge to touch hands, and Abigail touched Beni’s hand at that moment. They became a man-woman game, with Abigél jumping around freely and Beni starting to get on his axis. Until now he had never known exactly what that meant. What a man feels in himself.
In the evening, Beni asked Abigail what she thought was going on between them. Abigél replied that they probably don’t experience the same thing, as she has a family. Beni knew they were experiencing the same thing, but they both respected that Abigél was a family man. And at that point, perhaps no one else had let her accept it…
Although she received kindness and care from Beni with pure love, she never played games for a moment, and certainly never abused me.
Beni realised that his pure love for Abigail had faltered for a moment, and he almost fell in love.
He was dizzy with the gusts of emotion there in the emotional high, as he fluctuated between states of consciousness:
– I understand that you can still meet people at seventy, but behind the wrinkled faces, where is the common story that makes everything beautiful? Can I ever find a woman with that quality again? – she wondered to herself.
Then, slowly, he balanced himself and made his way to the imaginary other side. He was glad he still felt this way after all the pain. That she could even experience that there was such a feminine quality. That such a woman would share all her riches with him, if he could love her purely, without longing or desire for Beni. To build in her a man and a self-love.
From the next day onwards, all their female companions had a share of Beni. At one point he found himself being treated like a man by women. That he was getting validation from them. Abigail shared the company. Beni hadn’t expected that Abigél would ask him out of the crowd to walk the impromptu labyrinth of reconciliation with her.
Abigail brought her abused female line to reconcile, and Beni wanted to celebrate her new experience of the true connection between man and woman. However, he was stuck in the labyrinth from the start. He had to sit down. He felt as if he now had to serve the woman in general, now embodied by Abigail. But not with the practice of decades. Beni sensed that this labyrinth walk would be a celebration of man and woman in a different way.
This idea has given him a boost. He stood up and took a few steps. He noticed that they were both facing out with Abigail, their backs to each other and to the labyrinth. He felt his strength beginning to return. Abigail’s feet began to thump wildly. It was a storm. It was wild. All the pain was working in her. It was here that Beni felt what it was like to be on his axis. That it helps her best when she is stable and strong, and that she transmits this stable energy of security to Abigail.
When they met at the top of the labyrinth, Abigail looked at Beni with a murderous look, still in a deep embrace. Beni felt a surge in her heart that even turned her body off its axis. Abigail came through her past and stepped into Beni’s. Beni only made it as far as the first round in Abigail’s space. She sensed that she was now the experience of female abuse, on Abigél’s female line.
I began to wander in Abigail’s past. It went back to ancient times. Up and down. The entire length of the outer circle of the labyrinth. Something always called her back to the past. Once she stopped, and she felt no more pain. Once more he returned, but the wind had already blown across the ribbon that bounded the path. There was no point in going back any more. Beni felt the past unravel, like the wind unraveling the ribbon…
Abigail was eager to meet Beni in the middle of the labyrinth and wanted to connect. But Beni represented her pain in a completely transparent way, and so he left in a storm. At first she only got to the foot of the labyrinth, where she lay down. He experienced both the grounding of Abigail’s pain and his own rebirth. He rose, and in his double role his legs carried him far. He took away all Abigail’s ills and set out on his own new path.
Beni has just understood that a woman gives birth to a man twice. Once when she gives birth to him, and once when he has lost his former self, somewhere halfway…
This connection has now reborn him. From then on, all their female companions connected to Beni’s male self with their most beautiful feelings, their purity, their true self. He received constant affirmations from them until the farewell.
But the story doesn’t end here. Back on the evening of the second day, Beni was in a maze walk with another fellow woman, Sári. The betrayal. When Beni got to Sári’s side of the maze, and she was completely transfixed, she just stood at a point in the light with her hands over her heart.
Suddenly, she felt an infinitely tender, barely perceptible touch on her back, just to the left of her spine. The touch slowly moved through her body, forming into a hand, reaching over and gently grasping Beni’s heart. Beni turned around. It was Abigail. Beni felt that Abigail was the embodiment of the little girl Sari. But the touch would remain a memory of his body forever.
“I don’t need you, because I love you”, A.J. Christian said in an interview. Beni’s relationship with Abigail showed him that his own infinitely caring nature did not stem from dependency. That this abundance of love and care is pure and independent. That’s him.
Never before has she come so close to the feminine quality that Abigail embodies. It is in every movement of Abigail, in the radiance of her being, in her look, in her posture, in her smile, in her touch, in the beauty of her hands, in the fall of her hair, in her voice, in the depth of her gaze, in the softness of her embrace, in her words, in her chest touching Beni.
The thump of his shoes behind Beni’s back. The way he reached across his body for Beni’s heart… As it exists. The image of the ancestress that had been clear in Beni’s mind for decades was easily transformed into a staple. But it also taught Beni to love without needing to love her. He learned to love the divine.
Beni’s heart is already in the energy field of her hand. Forever. This connection showed Beni that a WOMAN can really penetrate and permeate a man in a way that Beni had only seen in artistic pictures. That the woman with her soul is always there with the man, wherever the man is.
Beni was placed on his axis in the labyrinth by the woman embodied by Abigail, with a fierce throb on the back of her neck. It rolled down his spine and over his whole being.
Through these experiences, Beni understood what it means for a woman to follow and a man to serve.
The sensitive man of today is afraid of the strong woman. But Abigail has shown Beni that strength in a woman is not fearsome, but the greatest gift.
For Abigail has transformed the primal pains of her own and her ancestral female line into healing love. So now, as she enters the space, her energy field embraces everything. The most beautiful response from her is that she really is the ancestress Beni felt she was in the photograph.
Beni is now able to connect with his fellow women in recovery. Now he no longer worships them. He can now see God in them. And in himself.
Not by accident, though no doubt guided from above, he drew the foreheads of his female companions to his own, like the Maoris in the Hong.
